Midnight in the Garden of Brutch Republic

This is not the famous statue. It's an even scarier one.

So. The Savannah leg of the trip is done with.

I’ll just cut right to the chase and say that it’s not the place for me. Not because it isn’t picturesque. It is:

Sorry Charlie.

The city has a good mix of gentle dilapidation and real charm. It’s a treat to drive around, once you get used to the right-of-way system around the squares. The riverside walk may indeed be a tourist trap but it does have the feel of an old-timey dockside. And there are lots of sweet shops. I love sweets. Anyway, back to tourism. I think it safe to say that Savannah, in its current incarnation, could easily be deemed: ‘The City That Paula Deen and Ghosts Built’. Oh yeah, and there’s the whole ‘no open container law’ thing too.

My impression of the place was that it was all tourism. There really didn’t seem to be too much going on aside from that. Sure, there’s SCAD, but I don’t think that truly generates a tremendous amount of city buzz, aside from a few artistic looking hipsters here or there.

Outside of the city itself, the suburbs were pretty nondescript. On the up-side, the ocean is quite close and the water is waaaarm.

SAND HOT!

I always have to fight the urge to stick my finger in the water and lick it. Salty swimming is an alien concept to me. Anyway, aside from the beaches, I really did struggle to find any of the je ne sais quoi that I thought Savannah would possess in spades. I also had some concerns about safety. I know that there is a certain amount of crime in every city, but Savannah has really got some issues . There are definite no-go zones. You have to be vigilant. It is not the best idea to wander alone after dark. While I have no problem with remaining aware of my surroundings, I don’t want to constantly be looking over my shoulder. I don’t want to be uncomfortable going about my daily business. Sorry Savannah. I really am.

Now. On to the hotel. I really did try not to let my feelings about my hotel spill over into my feelings about the city of Savannah. The Inn at Ellis Square was just a wreck for the few days I stayed there. If I had to put a finger on it, I’d say they have some big management issues. Check-in was rather late (4pm) and yet rooms were never ready. There were lines of people clutching luggage out the door and the lobby was constantly packed. The room I got was OK, but….just not the cleanest. Sorry, it wasn’t. And it smelled funky. And the windows did not open. Yeah. Also; it was never cleaned before  5pm. Cleaning involved taking my garbage (I made my own bed) and nothing more. This wasn’t a cheap place, either. Far from it! And you couldn’t complain, because you couldn’t get within 50 feet of the hotel desk, due to aforementioned queues of angry tourists. It was frustrating. Enough said.

Me and Savannah, well, we’re just not going to happen. I’m rather disappointed, if truth be told. Oh, and I’ll leave you with this creepy picture. It gave me nightmares last night.

BOO!

PS – Oh yeah, forgot to mention: Savannah was hot. Very hot. In fact, some tactless bint in a shop asked me if I’d eaten something spicy. I told her that puce is my natural complexion. Pffft.

Next episode, do not miss:  ‘Hello Atlanta! DC only has 12-lane highways? Shit, we’ve got 20 lanes, bitches!’